i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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