i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
