I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
