it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
