Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
