we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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