Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have fence marks all over my body
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
