how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
