paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
