using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
