i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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