i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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