so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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