So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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