I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
