I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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