just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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