I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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