You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
