If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
