I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
