I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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