I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
