its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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