im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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