you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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