Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
