I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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