I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
