Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
