Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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