Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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