i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
