My nipple is on Facebook.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
