worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
