he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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