East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
