either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
