I think I died a long time ago.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
