was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
