I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
