She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i now understand why vodka
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
