your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I bet he comes in French.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
