I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
