I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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