she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Still dying that you shit outside
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
