I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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