sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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