I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.