There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?