Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
The only downside is I can't stop skipping