They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?