I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
