At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
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Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.