I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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