Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I looked at my own cervix.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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