her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
