it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
