My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
