I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Watching her eat just hurts me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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