Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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