why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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