Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just had sex on a roof
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
