so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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