Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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