i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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