i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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