we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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