you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
