Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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