oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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