i jhust puked up my retainher.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
