It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You are the jesus of drinking
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
