my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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