i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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