Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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