And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
