You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
