Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
