Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i drank out of a bidet.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
