did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
