My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
