Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
