she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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