All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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